The Frozen Heart
by Shinobi Saru Corp
Summary: Yes... Thor has fallen in love... and there is no Love Experts to help him...


Written by Tora

* * *

Chapter 1 The Runaway Jotun

"You can't marry a person you've just met…" Loki said calmly.

Thor looked like he would cry. "What? No, why?" He demanded.

Jane looked so upset too. "If I might ease—"

"No, you can't. You ask for me to bless your marriage. My answer is no. I think you should go now…" Loki said sharply. He turned away, his green cloak following him. "The party is over…"

The Asgardian guard nodded his head and began to tell everyone to leave.

Thor trailed after Loki and said, "Loki, what are you doing? Please I'm in love! Close the gates! For first time in forever, I'm in love!"

Thor grabbed ahold of his older brother's hand.

Loki turned savagely at Thor and snapped in annoyance, "Leave me alone!" What happened next was shocking… He swung his arm at Thor, ice flying into the air.

The ice pierced several people's heart and killed them on the spot. Some of the ice daggers sailed through the air and other ice daggers flew into the air. One of the ice daggers pierced Jane in the chest.

Tears sprung to Thor's eyes he caught Jane dramatically. "No… _Jane_!"

Loki gave Thor an icy look. "You'll thank me one of these days…"

"Brother…!" Wailed Thor. "How could you?!"

Loki quickly made his escape outside. However the town's people exploded as Loki, King of Asgard came into the town.

Loki exploded and started spraying people with ice daggers. He knew he had to run away quickly before Thor caught up with him and avenged Jane of the Fifty States death.

Thor was quick to follow Loki out into Asgard. He was going to _murder_ his brother!

"Stay calm!" Thor commanded. "I leave Jane of the Fifty States incharge! I must go after my brother! He can change! I believe in him!"

Someone said, "But…! Jane is hurt!"

Thor said calmly, as he wrapped himself up in a blood red cloak, "It doesn't matter. I fell in love on the first day. I trust her… anyone who goes against her, gets Mjolnir up his bottom."

* * *

Loki trudged up the snowy mountain.

He couldn't help it, because it was the writer's fault, but he started to sing…

"The snow glows white on the mountain tonight… not a person to kill insight… A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the king… the wind is howling, like the Jotun blood inside. Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried. Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good boy, you always have to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know… well now they know!" Loki looked at the dancing snowflakes. "Take it over, take Asgard over! Can't hold it back anymore! Take it over, take Asgard over! Open the door, lay the trap! Pretend I care what they're going to say! Trust my rage! The cold never bothered me anyway…"

He dramatically ripped off his cloak and let it blow away.

He couldn't stop singing. He grinned evilly and shot ice up into the air. "It's funny how long it took me to realize my powers aren't small. And the fears that once controlled can't get to me at all! It's time how I rule Asgard, to test the limits and break through! No right, no wrong, no rules for me! Dad can't stop me! Take it over, take Asgard over! I am one with the Jotuns and Aesir! Take it over, take Asgard over! You'll never see me fail! Here I rule and here I'll stay! Let my rage go on!"

Loki began to make a huge ice castle, while making mini snowmen figures that looked oddly like Thor, and then he'd smash them.

"My power flurries through the air into the ground! My soul is spiraling in evil fractals all around! And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast! I'M GOING BACK; TO RULE ASGARD! Take it over, take Asgard over! And I'll rise like the dead of Helheim! Take it over, take Asgard over! That perfect Thor is gone! Here I stand, in the light of power! Trust my rage!"

Loki gazed out of the window and smirked, "Jane always annoyed me anyway…"

* * *

"Hi! I'm Darcy! And I like tazars!" Said Darcy.

Thor blinked and stared at Darcy. "Darcy? Did… Loki turn you into a snowman?"

Darcy nodded, "Yeah, why?"

Thor bared his teeth. "Do you know where that idiot is?"

Sif, who Thor met on the way (Thor falls in love easily, as noted with Jane. Also, note, Sif is just a random person who he met for five second and fell in love with), plucked one of the tasers stuck in Darcy's side.

Darcy, was a small snowman, with tasers for arm.

"Yeah, why?" Darcy asked.

Thor rubbed his chin and thought. All the sudden, Darcy tased Sif.

"Zzzzzzaaa!" Sif screamed.

Thor gasped and went to Sif's side. "Sif! Are you alright, my beautiful warrior?!"

Darcy lazily said, "She'll be fine."

Thor angrily grabbed the tasers from Darcy and snarled, "These are leaving!"

Thor took some sticks and shoved them into Darcy's body.

"What the heck?" Darcy asked in a fascinated way.

Thor picked up Sif's body and said, "I shall carry her on my back…"

Darcy tried to shrug and said, "I'd leave her behind and go out with a total hottie like me, but whateves."

Thor said nothing and stormed onwards. He occasionally turned his head to make sure Darcy was behaving.

All the sudden, Thor's iPhone rang.

_I know we only met, but let's pretend it's love! _

Thor answered it and said, "Sup, baby girl?"

"Thor," Jane said on the other line.

Thor gagged and said, "What?! I thought you were dead!"

"What? Well you thought wrongly. Wait—are you _cheating_ on me?! You seemed shocked that I called! And then you called me baby girl!"

"Well of course! Your, uh, my baby!" Thor stammered.

"You hesitated," Darcy commented.

Thor pushed Darcy away.

Sif groaned and said, "Thor?"

"Who was that?" Demanded Jane.

Thor bit his lip and said quickly, "Nothing! Sif—I mean, Jane, I'm going to find Loki and kill him. Everything will be fine. Love you!" He quickly hung up before she could reply back.

"You're weird…" Darcy said.

To change the subject, Thor pointed to an icy castle not far from them. "Loki lives there!"

"Now we just have to find a way to get there. The option is to climb the mountain or to—what are you doing?" Darcy asked.

Thor had put Sif down and taken his huge hammer out of a sack. He began to hit the mountain over and over. "I'm not climbing. I'm going to go straight through," Thor said, as if going through mountains was an everyday thing.

"Um, right… well, there are some stairs over there if that will make it quicker…" Darcy pointed to a staircase made of ice.

Thor put up his hammer and coughed. "I saw that of course…" He said embarrassed.

Thor told Darcy and Sif to stay down. This had to be man talk between brothers, Thor had said.

"Wow, aren't you sexist…" Darcy muttered darkly as she watched the unconscious Sif drool. Sif's tongue was hanging out her mouth. Darcy had an idea! While Thor was away, she's stick Sif's tongue to the ice!

* * *

"Brother!" Shouted Thor angrily, as he did his version of knocking on the door. Meaning, banging the door open with his hammer.

Loki turned pale and he said, "You!"

Thor looked up to see his brother. "You tried murdering Jane… she won't die that easily. Now I'm going to kill you!"

All the sudden Loki grabbed his hair and pulled. "What?! I thought she died. Oh no no no! I was so sure I had killed her! I can't take over Asgard with her there! I'm not free!" He cursed angrily.

Thor raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

Loki spat angrily, "You're so simple minded! You wouldn't understand!"

"Loki! Please don't panic!" Thor reached out to help his brother, but then he stopped. "Wait… why would I help my brother who tried murdering my girlfriend…?"

Loki raged on, "Oohhh I'm such a fool! I can't be king! I can't control my power! Please, you'll only make it worse! There's so much fear!" The ice and snow around Loki swirled wildly around him. "I CAN'T!"

Thor watched blankly as his brother threw an ice temper fit. All the sudden, one of Loki's hateful icicles sliced Thor's sexy manly hair…!

Thor fell to the ground as his cut hair swirled around him. Noooo! His hair was gone! He felt weak all over and insecure about himself! Without his hair… how was he supposed to look masculine?!

The hairs fell to the floor and he stared down in shock at the hair.

Loki seemed to calm down a little. He turned around to see his little brother looking like he was going to cry.

"What are you crying about, brother?" Loki asked blankly.

Thor burst into tears. "How can I live without my long hair?! Oh the pain in my heart!"

Loki glared at Thor and said, "Your hair is turning brown…"

Thor gasped and clutched his hair. He wailed, "I can't go brown! I have to be blonde! My magical blonde hair!"

Just then, Sif came walking into the room. Loki had a freak attack and before anyone saw it, he threw a dagger at Sif.

The dagger pieced Sif's stomach and then she slipped on the ice (it was from her high heeled shoes). Blood poured from her chest. She looked up at Thor and gave him a spacy look.

Thor rushed to her side and cried, "Sif! Stay with me! I can't produce magic from my hair anymore! I need Maybelline shampoo to be able to heal that wound!" He stroked Sif's face.

"T-Thor," She gasped. "I have Maybelline in my backpack…"

Loki was watching all this with disbelief. "Where the heck did you get Maybelline?!"

Thor didn't say anything, but he quickly searched Sif's backpack for Maybelline shampoo. Thor quickly squirted some shampoo into his hands and began to massage the substance into his head. Then Thor put his head on Sif's wound and sang, "Maybelline, gleam and glow, let your power shine, make the time reverse, bring back what once was mine!"

All the sudden there was a purple flash and Sif was healed. Sif looked dreamily into Thor's eyes and said, "Did I mention I have a thing for brunettes?"

Loki snapped angrily, "STOP IT! YOU GUYS ARE RUINING IT! THIS IS A FROZEN PARADE! NOT A TANGLED PARADE!"

Sif shrugged and said, "Why can't we put them together?"

Thor nodded and agreed, "That would be fun. But let's stick with Frozen a little longer."

"Okay," Sif shrugged. Then she seemed to notice that Thor's hair was cut. "Thor! We have to grow you hair!"

"You mean the Warrior Experts?" Thor asked.

Sif nodded seriously and helped Thor up. "Yes, they are also Hair Experts."

Thor and Sif walked away from Loki.

"Wait, you guys aren't going to fight me or anything?" Loki said expectantly.

Sif put her arms around Thor. And Thor replied, "Sorry, can we meet next Tuesday at this time?"

Loki stomped his foot. "Where are you guys going?!"

"The Warrior Experts," Sif said simply.

* * *

"Remember…" Jane said quietly. "Loki is more scared of you than you are of Loki…"

All the Asgardians gulped and looked up at the ice palace.

Jane took out a rifle. "Are we ready?"

All the Asgardian's nodded.

"Here are the orders. Don't kill Loki. Loki is a rare and endangered species. He is of the Jotun race… but what makes him endangered is the fact that he's the only Jotun that can shape shift into anything he wants. Even female things. Our mission is to take him and then send him back to the Smithsonian Museum…" Jane said. She loaded her rifle.

"Then what's with the weapon?" Asked an Asgardian.

Jane glared at them. "If anyone dares hurt Loki, I'll shoot them first…"


End file.
